Aishwarya Rai

The most important story in the world today is Aishwarya Rai, former Miss World and the only woman who could potentially challenge Angelina Jolie for the title of World’s Most Beautiful Woman, has officially announced her engagement to Abhishek Bachchan, a guy few people outside of india have ever heard of.

Aish Rai is a stunningly beautiful creature whose ultimate perfection brings to mind what Helen of Troy must have looked like back in her day, and whose face has sold millions of dollars worth of every conceivable bit of merchandise, from diamonds for the Nakshatra collection of diamond jewelry and Diamond Trading Corp to Coca Cola and Pepsi. That’s right, even Pepsi Co was convinced to put aside their own longstanding corporate rivalry with Coke in order to grace their advertisements with the face of Ash Rai.

So the critical question that every person in the world is now asking: how does Aishwarya Rai compare to Angelina Jolie?

Ms. Rai has been compared to a Hindi-speaking Elizabeth Taylor, was recently featured as a Hindu goddess in national advertising, and just announced her marriage to a butt-ugly guy who no one has ever heard of but who has a lot of money.

Angelina Jolie is a multimillion-dollar earning top actress, a UN Ambassador and mother of three, and is almost married to Brad Pitt.

Aishwarya Rai has large, puckering lips, so does Angelina Jolie, and both Jolie-Pitt and Rai-Bachchan have gigantic, greenish eyes.

Aishwara Rai and Angelina Jolei are also brunettes, considered perfect human beings by their fans, and are credited with getting their guy from another woman’s clutches… but, Aish’s husband-to-be Abhishek is the son of legendary Bollywood actor Amitabh Bachchan, while Brad Pitt’s parents are farmers from a Bible belt state. Score: 1 for Aish

Brad Pitt totally destroys Bachchan in the looks department however, and is the undisputed hottest guy in America despite George Clooney’s 10-years-too-late efforts to grab the title. Score: 1 for Jolie

Aishwarya Rai’s new movie Guru tells the story of how indian villager Gurukant Desai became one of india’s leading entrepreneurs, while Angelina Jolie’s latest movie The Good Shepherd tells about the complex and convoluted creation of the CiA. Score: tie

Even though four children have died of AiDS in Africa during the time it took you to read this article, isn’t it great to think about how beautiful these two celebrity women are? What if they met each other and fell in love? Would Brad Pitt or Abishek Bachchan even have a chance in this highly unlikely yet awe-inspiring scenario?

Stay tuned, celeb watchers! There’s more critically important news on its way from the world of whose hotter: Angelina Jolie and Aishwarya Rai…